Domestic Violence: Creating a Safety Plan

Domestic violence is a problem of epidemic proportions in our country. Each year two to four million people -- mostly women -- are abused. Four thousand of them die. Don't become a statistic. While there's no guarantee you'll be safe, there are things you can do to improve your chances. Follow these guidelines to create a safety plan that could help improve your situation -- or even save your life.

Living with an Abuser
If you're not ready or can't get out of an abusive situation, there are still things you can do to reduce the danger.

• Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and plot an escape route. If things start to flare up, try to move to those areas
• If possible, keep a phone handy at all times and know the numbers to call for help, such as the police, your local women's shelter, or a trusted friend
• Inform friends and neighbors of your situation and develop a plan to signal for help
• Lock up weapons or make them as inaccessible as possible
• Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway in case you need to get away fast
• Avoid wearing scarves or jewelry that could hurt you in an attack
• Plan for what you'll do if your partner finds out about your safety plans
• If violence is unavoidable, protect yourself by curling up into a ball with your arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined

If you have children:

• Don't run to where your children are when violence erupts; they could become targets as well
• Teach your children a code word that tells them they should leave the house and get help; make sure they know where to go for help
• Explain to your kids that violence is wrong, even when it's someone they love; tell them it is not your fault or theirs

Getting Ready to Leave
It takes a lot of courage and a lot of planning to get out of an abusive relationship. Here are some tips:

• Save any evidence of the abuse, such as photos, letters, taped messages, etc.; keep a journal of all incidents
• Don't go it alone; tell someone you trust that you're leaving and know where you are going for help
• If you are injured, get medical assistance immediately
• Identify a safe place for your children and reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not protect you
• Contact your local battered women's shelter and find out about laws pertaining to your situation
• If necessary, acquire job skills so you can take care of yourself once you leave; try to set money aside for when you'll need it

Leaving an Abusive Relationship
When it's time to get out, consider requesting assistance from the police or an escort to avoid an incident. If you have to sneak away, plan carefully. Have emergency money set aside, along with an extra set of car keys, driver's license, credit cards, pay stubs, and checkbooks with bank information. Keep a packed suitcase for you and your kids at a friend's house. Be sure you have important phone numbers of friends, relatives, doctors, schools, etc.

After You Leave
Depending on your situation, you may need to take further precautions to protect your whereabouts and identity. Call a domestic violence shelter for advice on how to put the pieces of your life back together.