Talking to Kids About War

When an attack on our country occurs occur, it's almost impossible to shield children from its effects. The news media brings it into our homes. Kids can sit and watch as wars and horrible events such as September 11th unfold before their very eyes on TV.

Depending on a child's age and individual temperament, their reactions will vary. Some may ask hard questions, others may internalize their feelings. In any case, knowing how to talk appropriately to children about what's happening in the world is an essential first step toward healing. 

Create a Safe Environment
One of the most important steps you can take is to help children feel safe. Children find comfort in having things be consistent and familiar, so do your best to stick to your child's normal routine.

Reassure Your Child with Extra Emotional Support
Children need to feel safe to ask questions, express their feelings, or just be by themselves. Let your kids know they can talk to you-any time, any place. Ask them what they have heard and how they feel about it. Validate their feelings and reassure them that you will always be there for them.

Be Honest About What Happened
Be accurate with the information you give a child, but make it appropriate for his or her age and developmental level. Explain that the government and the army are doing everything they can to keep us all safe. And most importantly, reassure your child that you will do everything you can to protect them. Avoid making promises like, "don't worry, nothing bad will happen." You don't know that and you will risk losing the child's trust.

Deal with Your Own Feelings First
Children are extremely perceptive. Even very young children who may not be able to fully comprehend what has happened, can still pick up on your emotional state. Many people feel shocked and fearful, others are angry, and others are sad. If possible, sort out your own feeling first and then help your child. If you are frightened, you may want to explain that to your child, but also reassure them that you will get through this difficult time.

Find a Safe, Healthy Outlet to Express Emotions
It is sometimes helpful for both parents and children to take some kind of action to help them cope with what's happened. For younger children, this may involve acting out the event through play or drawing pictures. For adolescents, writing letters, poems, or getting involved in the community may help.

Try to Put the Event in Perspective
Although any war is devastating, it's important that children understand they such events are extremely rare.

Ultimately, the saying "knowledge is power" holds true. Talking to children about war does not make them more afraid of it, but less. It could go a long way toward helping a child grow up to be a more secure person in an insecure world.