In College: When Date Becomes Rape

On their first date, college students Joe and Barbara attend a movie before going to the local student hangout for a few beers. When Joe takes Barbara back to her apartment, he becomes affectionate as they sit on the couch. Soon, Joe's affection morphs into passion; he tries to remove Barbara's clothing. Somewhat tipsy from the alcohol, Barbara remains passive. But when Joe forces her down on the couch, Barbara tells him to stop. Joe ignores her and soon has his way with her.

Forty years ago, many people may have joked that Joe "hit a home run." Fortunately we no longer treat these situations so lightly. Most people today would say that Joe raped Barbara, and because Barbara and Joe know each other, she was a victim of "date rape." And it's no laughing matter.

According to the Justice Department, 96% of date rapes involve male perpetrators and female victims. Date rape is a crime very similar to rape, even though it may not be as violent. Barbara had the right to say "no" and she did. The fact that she had been drinking, or that she didn't strongly assert herself, makes no difference. She still said "no."

'No' Means 'NO!'
For your child to stop date rape from happening, tell her to say "no."  Most often it's as simple as that.  State it clearly and firmly and don't allow any room for negotiation.

Don't remain silent. Some men interpret silence as a "yes." If a date tries to make sexual advances that your child is not comfortable with, say "no" and say it loud.

Drugs and Alcohol
Recent years have witnessed a great influx of "date rape drugs" on college campuses. Substances such as GHB are placed in drinks of unwary females. The combination of the drug and alcohol creates a potent cocktail that leaves women unconscious and vulnerable. But one thing to remember, the base ingredient of that cocktail -- alcohol -- remains the most common date-rape drug. So if your child drinks, teach her how to be careful when she drinks. Young women, especially new college students, typically aren't aware just how much alcohol can impair judgment and their ability to stay in control. Teach your child to stay away from gatherings where everyone is drinking heavily.

Also teach your child to be careful what she drinks. An open punch bowl or a keg could be spiked.

Here are some other tips for your child to help her avoid date rape:

At Parties: There's safety in numbers. Go to parties with a friend, roommate or, best of all, a group of people. If you suspect you have been drugged, leave immediately and then go to the nearest hospital or emergency room to get tested. The results can later be used as evidence. Don't leave a party with someone you just met.

On Dates:  Don't let anyone force you to do anything you don't want to. If a guy tries to push you to get intimate, discuss your feelings and clearly assert your boundaries. On first dates, meet in public places and stay there. If your date gets drunk, go home.

Gut Feelings: Trust your instincts. If something about the date or party is making you uneasy, then something's probably wrong. Get yourself someplace else, someplace safer.

Personal Protection: Consider enrolling in a self-defense class. You'll never know when you need the skills, and just knowing you have them will make you feel empowered.